Dominated by the Dildo: Approaching Strap-On Sex 

You’re in a relationship with a dominant woman, and you long for her to treat you in a particularly dominant way. You have been thinking about it for some time, and you imagine it when you’re alone, pleasuring yourself to the tune of what most consider a taboo fantasy and filled with excitement because it is such an incredible turn on for you. You want her to do it more than anything else; you might just self-combust if she did. But… You’re nervous, afraid, apprehensive… You don’t know how she would respond if you asked for it. Would she yell, freak out, be disgusted, think you are a total pervert? Since you don’t want to risk it, you suffer in silence, and wish it could be… 

What is this act of domination that curls your toes when you think about it? What could be so difficult for you to request of your partner? Well… The act itself is simple enough in your assessment: All you want is for your woman to bend you over and let you have it with a strap-on. You wish you could ask her to step into a harness, strap herself in, assume the position behind you, and just let you have it with her dildo. You want this more than anything, but you just don’t know if it’s worth telling her how you long for her to dominate you in that way. 

As much as there are men who crave being anally dominated by their dominant female partners, there are as many dominant women who would love to fuck the daylights out of their submissive partners –or engage in a form of ass play that will certainly give their partners at least a temporarily submissive role- yet they do not want their male partners to panic. There are so many stigmas and labels that both sexes associate with some good, hard strap-on fun. Let us dispense with these myths, and have the fun begin! 

First and foremost, strap-on play elicits a homophobic response in both sexes that is completely unfounded and in appropriate. So a man longs to be anally penetrated by a woman in charge. Her hammering him silly with a strap-on and his ecstasy over being fucked by his woman’s big cock does NOT –I repeat, does NOT- make him a closet gay man. Just because he wants his female partner to bang him in the backdoor for hours does not mean he has any desire to be similarly penetrated by any other man. His attraction for his woman taking the reins, ordering him to assume the position, and fiercely stimulate his P-spot with her filling dildo simply means he wants her to take control, put him in “his place,” and wear him out. There are no secret, hidden meanings in his desire. Even if she does not jump to any incorrect assumptions about his sexuality, she may act disgusted or repelled by the suggestion of such taboo sex play. Maybe she will only act shocked and respond in a negative way because she feels she is being tested and is expected to recoil in disgust. However, such a reaction may not be indicative of how she really feels. 

On the flip side of the man’s apprehension in asking for strap-on sex, it should be mentioned that there are those women who long to exert this type of dominance in a sexual relationship, but she also fears the potential reaction of her partner. If she tells him she wants to put him on his hands and knees and fuck him like a little bitch, he may immediately protest that he is NOT gay, and, therefore, he wants no one “going there”! (Why must it be insisted that a man who enjoys ass play –whether mild, intense or extreme- is hiding his true sexual orientation? This is simply not true!) He may feel that she is testing him to see what his response will be to the suggestion of such forbidden sex antics. 

In either event, the key here is communication. The fear of a less than positive response must be overcome, and thought invested into a planning a way in which the request can be presented calmly and diplomatically. The manner of approach is crucial. No one is suggesting that you should ever pounce on your partner and overwhelm her with a shocking demand that she turn your ass up in the air and give it to you until you pass out. Out of respect for her feelings in regard to any sexual request or discussion, a sense of tact and delicacy is advisable. If it makes you feel more comfortable – and you think she will be more at ease- try blending the topic into the broader context of multiple sexual fantasies and potential desires in order to feel her out. Only you know the sense of comfort, trust, and ease of communication that you do –or do not- share with your partner. Tailor your approach to your interpersonal communication style with her. Ask her what she thinks of various ideas before presenting your own. The only way you will ever get her to dominate you in the way you desire is to somehow express that longing in a way in which the two of you can explore the possibilities together. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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